I Love Me

Love my news.

When romantic partners disclose positive news, how the other reacts matters—a lot, according to Professor Shelly Gable. "Reacting in a positive way not only reinforces bonds, but it also shows that person that in negative times you'll be there." Gable has found that an "active constructive response" ~ is the only positive response. Couples whose partners respond in any of three less positive ways are at greater risk of calling it quits down the line. The four typical approaches are listed below. Your partner comes home, beaming, and announces that he just got a great promotion at work. You could react with:

1. An active constructive response. "That's great, you've earned it, I'm so proud of you!" followed by questions. This conveys enthusiasm, support, and interest.


2. A passive constructive response. "Great job, honey!" then shifting to the next topic. Like dinner.


3. An active destructive response (what Gable dubs "finding the cloud in a silver lining response"). "Wow! Does this mean you'll be working later hours? Are they going to be paying you more? I can't believe they picked you out of all the candidates." Just generally deflating.


4. A passive destructive response. Can take either of two forms: "Wow! Wait until I tell you what happened to me today," which is very self-focused, or, "What's for dinner?"—ignoring the event altogether.

Some information provided by Linsay Lyon